I would guess that the dominant nightmare for liberals these days is that Trump could rise from the ashes of his presidency, his personality, his ratings and manage to repeat 2016 and win (aka, cheat) in November. I’m certainly worried and bug friends and family hourly with the question, “Do ya think that flaming asshole could pull it off?” And usually, like my wife and close friends, they just roll their eyes, again, and not answer or walk out of the room. Worried, yes, but I’m not scared shitless.
Scared shitless is defined by Webster as having 2 criteria: a) spending a minimum of 50% of any 24-hour period “Driving the White Bus;” and b) Wearing SNL brand “Oops I Crapped My Pants” or “Inflatable Fright Pants” (see cartoon) when you don’t have access to a White Bus.
The only time I remember fulfilling Webster’s definition was in high school as a mediocre to bad wrestler and realizing that I was going to wrestle the state champion that week. Wrestlers frequently have trouble making their weight and spend a lot of time in rubber suits, guzzling Miralax, and eating a box of Super-Colon Blow every morning (see SNL, Phil Hartman skit). In addition to sprints to the Bus at home, during class, at practice that week, I lay awake sweating all night, so no weight problema for me that week. As luck would have it, my opponent looked at my record and the record of the guy in the weight class above me and decided to “wrestle up” as the vernacular goes. I still lost but I didn’t give a shit.
I started to read all the articles about how Trump could steal the election and there are 100s of ways from disguising himself as a little old lady named Donna Bump with orange hair leaving bombs in all ballot boxes in Massachusetts (No 1. liberal state) to drugging Biden before their debate to appear more sluggish than normal or even wasted on Duff beer. Trump might even be able to bribe Biden to take Pence as his VP candidate and Trump would get Elizabeth Warren or David Duke as his VP choice.
Some historians claim that Trump’s legacy will place him in a hot contest with James Buchanan as the worst president ever. The “leader of the free world,” is a term still used today, coined sometime around WWII, according to my sources, which means nothing now, but if it did, to use it in reference to Trump would not only be hysterical but also disgusting.
The Pied Piper was a REAL leader. One version of the Pied Piper says he led all the children either into the Weser River in Germany or to Transylvania. I’m not sure which would be worse. The children of the U.S. would never fall for that, but Trump’s base just might.He has convincingly demonstrated that he might be able to lead the hypnotized-lobotomized (2fer1) rats in Washington into the Potomac. I can envision now the Senate Republican leadership lead by Mike “Just throw me a puppy biscuit” Pence, Mitch “Gobble, gobble” McConnell, Lindsay “Ya’ll come now, hear” Graham, and Joni “God is my copilot” Ernst, etc. heading for the riva chanting “Whites Shall Overcome,” all the way. Mitch “Gobble, gobble” would still have his head pointing skyward, waiting for rain.
I’m not scared shitless but I am mad shitless. I’m angry with my fellow Americans, which includes a few friends, that so many alleged “thinking” people could support a racist, sexist, misogynist, liar, idiotic, carrot-topped narcissist. If they believe that supporting Trump doesn’t really mean that they condone or have any of those traits themselves, then they need to think again. Somehow they don’t seem to get it that another four years of Trump doing his damnedest to give the world, whether intentionally or through stupidity, the result is the same, the exhilarating experience of a nuclear winter, or a mega-pandemic, or a climate meltdown or all of the above. They have failed to connect the dots because if they do, they lead to the same result, which is a bit apocalyptic.
The toughest part of dealing with Trumpomania is having to lie to our kids when they come home from school, crying, and ask, “Freddy says that our president is a bad man and does naughty things to women and that he is not a good role model for us kids. Is that true? You always told me that his wife is the model.” To put the kids out of their misery, it would be best to call in the Pied Piper and have him deal with those really knotty parental questions.
Melania. What a beautiful lady even with that permanent look of hate for her orange mate. You have got to give Melania a lot of credit for sharing the bed with Mike, even though Mike sleeps at the foot, making loud noise gnawing on his puppy bone. Who knows if Melania even sleeps in the White House? If she does, I would bet it is because she has a pre-nup that provides her with a King Arthur top-o-the-line model chastity belt (razor sharp guillotine) and a chain mail full-length armor nightgown. I’ll bet she ain’t scared shitless!
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